EsadRecords Presents
The Comic Relief Page
Have You Heard Any GoodJokes Lately?
Here Are A Few EsadJokes We Hope You Will Find Amusing
If You Send Us One We Like We Will Post It
Please No FilthyJokes...
MusicJokes...RealJokes...Mp3Jokes And BadAnecdotes Are OK!!!
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Larry Asked For A Place To Post And Read Messages
So That He And All Of Us May Complain To The World
A kindergarten class had a homework assignment to find out about something
exciting and relate it to the class the next day. When the time came to
present what they'd found, little Johnny walked up to the front of the class,
and with a piece of chalk, make a small white dot on the blackboard, then sat
back down. Puzzled, the teacher asked him what it was. "It's a period." said
Johnny.
"Well, I can see that," she said "but what is so exciting about it?"
"I dunno," said Johnny "but this morning my 16 year old sister was missing
one, and Daddy had a heart attack, Mommy fainted, and the 18 year old boy
nextdoor shot himself!"
There's this brunett on the side of the road and a blonde drives by and the brunett waves her hands to try to stop her.When the blonde pulls over the brunett says go stand in the middle of the road and shout 32.So she did 3 times and nothing happened so the fourth time she said it,a big truck came and ran her over,the brunett on the side of the road said 33!
Why did the guitar player cross the road?
He heard the chicken was a slut!!!!
Mr. White, the biology professor, at a posh suburban girl's
school, asked during class, "Miss Smith, would you name the
organ in the human body, which under the appropriate conditions,
expands to six times it's normal size, and define the conditions."
Miss Smith gasped, then said snottily, "Mr. White, I don't think
that is a proper question to ask me. I assure you that my parents
will hear of this." With that, she sat down red-faced.
Unperturbed, Mr. White called on Miss Jones, and asked the same
question.
Miss Jones, with complete composure replied,
"The pupil of the eye, in dim light."
"Correct," said Mr. White.
"Now, Miss Smith, I have three things to say to you: one,
you have not studied your lessons. Two, you have a dirty mind.
And three, you will someday be faced with a dreadful disappointment."
In Star Trek, what do you get when you mix pasta and ante pasta?
Wop Drive."
"How many lead singers does it take to screw in a
light bulb?
One. He grabs the bulb and the world revolves around him."
"What's the difference between a Harley and a Hoover?
On a Harley...The dirt bag is on the outside!!!"
There were two people walking down the street
One was a musician..........
The other one didn't have any money either
A man appears before a judge one day, asking for a divorce. The Judge quietly reviews some papers and then says; "Please tell me Why you are seeking a divorce."
"Because," the man says, " I live in a two-story house."
The Judge replies," What kind of reason is that? What is the big deal about a two-story house?"
The man answers, "Well Judge, one story is ' I have a headache' and the other story is ' It's that time of the month.'"
Did you hear about the bass player who locked his keys in his car?
He had to break the window to get the drummer out!
At a convention of biological scientists one researcher remarks to another, "Did you know that in our lab we have switched from mice to guitar players for our experiments?"
"Really?" the other replied, "Why did you switch?
" Well, for three reasons. First, we found that guitar players are far more plentiful, second, the lab assistants don't get so attached to them, and third, there are some things even a rat won't do."
There is one drawback, however."
"What's that?"
"Sometimes it's hard to relate our test results to human beings."
How do you get a drummer to begin playing the drums?
Start tuning your guitar !
Johnny says to his mom, "I wanna be a musician when I grow up!"
His mom says, "But Johnny, you can't do both!!"
So...Two guitar players walk past a bar... Well, it could happen!!
What's the difference between a viola and a violin?
The violin burns faster !
How do you get a keyboard player down from a tree?
Cut the rope !
How do you put a twinkle in a bass player’s eye?
Shine a flashlight in his ear !
A brunette, a redhead and a blonde all work in the same office with the same female boss. Every day, they noticed the boss left work early. One day, the girls decided that when the boss left, they’d leave right behind her. After all, She never called or came back, so how was she to know?
The brunette was thrilled to be home early. She did a little gardening and went to bed early.
The redhead was elated to be able to get in a quick workout at her gym before meeting a dinner date.
The blonde was REALLY happy to be home, but when she got to her bedroom she heard a muffled noise from inside. Slowly, quietly, she cracked open the door and was mortified to see her husband in bed with HER BOSS!!!! Ever so gently, she closed the door and crept out of her house.
The next day, during their coffee break, the brunette and the redhead mentioned leaving early again, and asked the blonde if she was with them. "NO WAY," she exclaimed. "I
ALMOST GOT CAUGHT YESTERDAY !!!"
A man goes to an exotic tropical island for a vacation. As the boat nears the island, he notices the constant sound of drumming coming from the island. As he gets off the boat, he asks the first native he sees how long the drumming will go on. The native looks about nervously and says, "Very bad when the drumming stops."
At the end of the day, the drumming is still going on and is starting to get on his nerves. So, he asks another native when the drumming will stop. The native looks as if he's just been reminded of something very unpleasant. "Very bad when the drumming stops," he says, and hurries off.
After a couple of days with little sleep, our traveler is finally fed up, grabs the nearest native, slams him up against a tree, and shouts, "What happens when the drumming stops?!"
"Bass solo."
How do you know when a lead singer is at your door?
He can't find the key and you have to tell him when to come in!
What's the difference between a Banjo player and an Uzi submachine gun?
An Uzi only repeats 40 times !
A motorist was unknowingly caught in an automated speed trap that measured his speed using radar and photographed his car. He later received in the mail a ticket for $40 and a photo of his car. Instead of payment, he sent the police department a photograph of $40.
Several days later, he received a letter from the police that contained another picture... of handcuffs. The motorist promptly sent the money for the fine.
For Those Of You Who Are Wondering What Esad Means In Esad Records
EatShitAndDie....NoJokes....Really!!!
Got a Good Joke?
A Funny Story....Or Even a True Funny Story?
Send It In !!!
If We Like It You Will See It Here!
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